The Return Of The source
by alexywill22
Summary: The Charmed Ones find themselves facing an old enemy. My usual crazy story, review or die!
1. Crazy Whitelighter Say What?

A/N: So I'm back to doing a parody series, but if you guys have not read my first update, I inform you I will only udate certain stories once a week, I haven't pick an update date for this one yet, but I will by next week. Also to Paige Halliwell (love the name btw) I don't mind your loling, in fact i like it, since you are becoming the first person here who has reviewed all my fics (let that be a lesson to the rest of you), so you can continue loling as long as you don't go stalker on me (though that would upgrade me to Diva status, so maybe you can) and we'll be okay. love the mom bit btw.

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 1: Crazy Whitelighter Say What?

"This is so wrong."

""But it feels so right."

"I can't believe you convince me to do this, Leo."

"Is ok, Prue. Don't think, just feel."

"Oh God, Leo..."

"Oh... Prue..."

"What the HELL are you two doing?" Piper said as she walked in the living room. "OH MY GOD!"

"Piper!" Leo squealed, like the little girl he secretly wanted to be. "It's not what it looks like!"

"You and Prue are not eating my last chocolate chip cookies?"

"It was Leo's idea!" Prue quickly blamed, even though she had the plate in her hands.

Piper smacked Leo over the head with a rolled up newspaper. "Bad Leo! Very bad Leo!" Leo whimpered back to his doghouse.

"So what's for lunch?" Prue asked, shrugging off the whole incident.

"I'm thinking fried Prudence." Piper gave Prue an evil look. Prue coward.

But before Piper got the frying pan, Paige orbed in. "Hello sister witches!"

"Paige!" Prue hugged her haft sister. "Thank God you're here!"

Paige looked at Prue, shock. "That's the first time you said that to me." Tears ran from her haft Whitelighter face.

"Don't get so exited." Piper explained. "I was going to kill her."

"Oh." Paige was disappointed of not getting Prue's approval. "Why bother killing her? She'll just find a way back." She finally muttered.

"Yeah, Prue it's been a week since you came back. Mind telling us how?" The two younger ones turned to their oldest sister.

"Um... Oh don't worry. I promise it will have no consequences." Prue lied.

"Yeah Piper." Paige agreed, preparing to jinx them all again. "'Sides, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

They never learn... Just then a Whitelighter orbed in. "Kyle!" The three sisters said in unison, which didn't make sense cause Prue didn't know Kyle.

"Why are you so surprise?" Kyle asked. "I did become a Whitelighter."

"Whatever." Piper didn't really care, she was cool like that. "What do the idiots in robes want now?"

"The idiots-I mean, Elders have grave news."

"Piper's pregnant again!" Prue seem awfully nervous when she blurted that out.

"Um... no." And awkward silence took over the room, that was only interrupted by the apparent sound of wailing cats being tortured. "What's that?" Kyle asked, kind of creep out.

"Oh, it's only Phoebe." Paige explained. She wants to be a singer now." Everyone shuddered. "Um, Kyle? Why are you here again?"

"Right, um... I have bad news from the Elders."

"HEY GUYS!" Phoebe's squeaky voice greeted as she walked down the stairs. "Would anyone like to hear my audition for American Idol?"

"No!" Was the collective cry from the others. Unfortunately, Phoebe thought that no means yes, because, that's what all her boyfriends told her.

"Ok!" She cheered. "She bangs, she bangs! Oh baby when she-" A good kick in the head courtesy of Pipe, ended this hell, sending Phoebe into the hard cold floor. Ha, ha.

"Now I'm bored." Piper gave Kyle an annoyed look. "The point, please!"

"Yes, yes." Kyle remembered. "The Elders wanted me to tell you that The Source is back."

The four sisters had an original reaction to news.

"Not that pansy idiot again!" Piper was fed up already.

"Ooh! How exiting!" Phoebe obviously didn't know what they were talking about.

"Is the fourth or fifth time?" Paige didn't really see The Source as that big of deal now.

"I have nothing to do with this!" Prue said quickly, lucky for her no one noticed.

"Yeah, he's back." Kyle nodded.

"Sounds like a job for the Charmed ones... to the Charmed-mobile!" Phoebe quickly exited. The others rolled their eyes.

To be continued...


	2. Which Source Is it Anyway?

A/N: Sorry to keep people waiting but I'm having some trouble with my computer and I sort of lost the other chapters of this story, so unlike with "Skeletons In The Attic" I'm only updating one chapter here, but please review, next week I'll give you 3 chapters at once. Once again sorry.

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 2: Which Source Is It Anyway?

"I'm so beautiful, no matter what they say..."

"Shut up!"

"Just trying to lighten the mood, Paige."

"Well, stop. I have the worst hangover."

"Wanna tell good old Prudence why?"

"No. I want you to shut up!"

"Looks like someone can't handle her liquor."

"Bite me!"

"Fine!"

Chomp!

"Ow! You INSANE little tramp!"

"What the Hell are you two bitches fighting about now?" Piper said as she entered the room with baby Chris in hands.

"You know, Piper, you'd developed a temper while I was gone."

"First of all, you weren't 'gone', you were dead! And secondly, I don't have to explained myself to you!"

"Guys! be quiet my head hurts!" Paige pleaded.

"Shouldn't you two be researching for the Source's whereabouts?" Piper asked.

"We are-"

"I was!" Prue corrected. "Paige was out partying all night.

"Bite me!"

"If you say so."

Chomp! Chomp!

"Ow! OW! I CAN'T WORK WITH HER!" Paige orbed out.

"Prue! What did I say about biting people?"

"Not before I had my shots?"

"Exactly. Now, what have you got so far on The Source?"

"Well...nothing."

"I hate my life."

"Well if would help a lot if I knew which Source was back?"

"What do you mean? 'The' Source is back!"

"Yep, but which one?" Prue continued. "There's the creepy monk Source, that always had his hood on and was cool-like."

"Oh yeah, the one that got you killed."

"Um... yeah." Prue was hurt by Piper's obvious happiness over her death.

"What's other Sources are there?"

"Well there's the psycho Source, which was the one that went all crazy and had a scar on his white face."

"You mean Paige?"

"No! I mean the same guy but without the hood."

"Then they're the same person?"

"Anyway... then, there's Cole-"

"Here we go. You just couldn't control yourself, could you?" Phoebe said as she stormed in. "You just take any random appor... apportu... any chance to diss mah man!" This was followed with a neck-roll and snapping fingers.

"Random?" Prue questioned. "Cole WAS the Source!"

"Oh no you di-int!" Phoebe started to beat on Prue.

Piper and baby Chris watch in amusement when future Chris orbed in. "Mom! Wyatt took over the world again!"

"I'll go ground him." Piper said as she handed Chris to... himself. "You take care of yourself, ok?"

"Yes mommy!" Piper left and Chris turned around to see his two aunts laughing at him. "What?" He asked.

"You're such a mommy's boy!" Prue said between giggles.

"Looks who's talking." The dummy, the bitch and the sissy (Sounds like a children's book, right? A creepy children's book) turned to see none other than Patty Halliwell.

"Mommy!" Prue jump into her mothers loving arms... which did not welcomed her, and actually, slapped her silly.

"What are you doing here, mom?" For once Phoebe asked a good question.

"I know something about the Source. Is SHOCKING news and when you all hear it you'll be blown away." She paused for dramatic effect.

Still pausing.

Keep a' reading

I'm sure you'll get there.

"The Source is-"

BBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

To be continued...


	3. Nude, Nude and More Nude Piper

A/N: Ok, I know I said i would give you guys 3 chapters but I'm omly posting 2... why? cause most of my attention has gone to "Charmed together" and the time I have left I dedicate it to "skeletons in the attic" so yeah... plus i'm working on 2 one shot fics as well... I nkow i'm evil, but I promise you'll get plenty of fun from these 2, next time I WILL put 3 chapters... see ya!

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 3: Nude, nude and more nude Piper.

"What the hell was that sound?"

"Is ok, honey. I'm here to protect you."

"Oh Cole. You're my hero."

"I know I am, Leo."

"Um... guys?" Paige asked as she walked in Piper's bedroom to find a very compromising scene.

"Paige!" Leo said in a high girly voice, otherwise known as his normal voice. "What's that an explosion?" He quickly changed the subject.

"I think so." Paige walked into the hall. There was smoke coming from the attic. "Someone must have done a spell."

The three walked in the attic, where they found none other than Piper... NAKED! Woo! "Piper!" The three screamed.

"Oh shoot." Piper covered up. "Stop looking at me!"

"Piper, why are you naked?" Paige asked a little startled.

"I was doing a spell to conjure the most perfect being in the world and suddenly I was naked!"

"Well, that makes sense." Cole shrugged. "You are perfect. The most perfect." Cole walked over to Piper and licked his lips tentatively.

"Oh my..." Piper lean closer. Their lips so close to each other.

"Whoa!" Leo interjected... the bitch... "Honey! I'm like right here!"

"Um..." Paige decided to intrude. "Which one of them are you talking to?"

But before Leo could answer (you're all just wondering who he loves more now) Patty, Prue, Phoebe and Chris with baby Chris in hand entered in a funny way. Funny, cause they all fell on the floor bumping into each other. Guess they were not expecting naked piper.

"Can't we drop my whole nakedness thing?" Piper conjured some clothes. What? She can't conjure? How would you know? You don't live with them! I'll give Piper as many powers as I want.

"Yes. After all I have a important revelation on the Source." Patty started. "This information will not only shock you, but might help you fight and destroy the Source."

Everyone went quiet. Grams randomly walked around and then went away.

"Okay," Patty said after an hour of waiting, "The Source... is one of you!"

Dum dum dum!

"One of us?" Paige asked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, whatever was done turned one of you into The Source." Patty explained. "But the person does not know he or she is The Source. Not yet anyway."

"Well, this is awkward." Leo stated the obvious.

"Wait!" Chris intervened. "I think we can ruled out the whitelighters or haft whitelighters, since we're haft good and all."

Patty shook her head. "Sorry, it can be any of you guys. Your Source powers will not awake until is time." A random lightning boom form outside after this was said... despite that it was a clear day.

"So..." Piper looked around. "The answer is among us..."

"To what question?" Phoebe lost the plot again.

Prue smacked her. "Duh! To the where's the source question!"

"Oh."

Awkward beat. Wyatt randomly orbed in and stole some potions. He orbed out.

"What are we going to do now?" Paige asked.

"Well we can't just kill members of our family!" Leo whined.

"Or could we...?" Piper gave Prue a look.

"Um..." Prue hid behind Paige.

"Piper calm down." Cole sexily slid his arms around Piper... hmmm, Cole arms.

"Oh Cole!" Piper seemed pleased.

"HEY!" Phoebe and Leo shouted in unison.

"This house just keeps getting insane... er." Paige stated the obvious.

"Good luck my children." Patty started to fade away. Prue stopped her.

"Oh no you don't! You said any of us. That includes you!"

"No it doesn't"

"Yes it does! I'm Prue and what I say goes!"

To be continued...


	4. The Real Underworld

A/N: Last for now...

Chapter 4: The Real Underworld.

"I'm soooooooooooooo evil!"

"Sure you are..."

"Yes I am! I'm the great Zankou after all! I manage to destroy the Avatars and stuff."

"Whatever..."

"What kind of minion are you?"

"For the last time! I'm a miner! I was just digging in a cave and you dragged me here!"

"Oh."

"Zankou." A demon shimmered in. "I have grave news."

"No one likes my goatee?"

"Besides that." The demon pause looking at Zankou weirdly. He was certainly lame. "Um sir, we have heard that The Source has return."

"What? He's dead. And then came back and them died. And them came back but then died!"

"We know, sir. But it gets worse-"

"I can't believe he's back!" Zankou paced around. "I just redecorated his lair."

"Um sir..."

"And not to mention that now he's going to want the control of evil again. Who does he think he is? God? Piper?"

"Um... sir..."

"And he's probably going to try and put his black only uniform again. I mean, I work hard on this little skirt thing-"

"SHUT UP!"

Zankou bursts to tears. "You don't have to talk to me like that."

The demon rolled his eyes. "Dude, would you listen, I wasn't done."

"Oh okay."

"It seems that The Source has return but as a member of the Halliwell family."

"Really?" Zankou, regain his composure. "Which one?"

"We don't know. In fact, they don't know either. The source will not awaken till the time comes." A lightning bolted randomly after this was said, which didn't make sense cause they were under the ground... unless a demon shoots some out of its hands. Hmmm, maybe that's what happen... Oh story!

"Well, this is the opportunity I was waiting for."

"It was?"

"Well, no. But it'll do."

"What's your plan?"

"I will not tell you yet... it's better this way..."

"You don't have a plan, do you?"

"Why I never!" Zankou stalked the demon in that way he does to look more powerful, but all it proves is that he's tall... oh and possibly hitting on him.

"Are you hitting on me?"

"Why is it working?"

The demon backed away. "Um, listen why don't we try to come up with something to get the charmed ones."

"Good idea, but I need people to believe that I came up with it." He throws a fireball at the demon, killing him. "Minion" he called the small man in the corner.

"I'm a miner, damn it!"

"Whatever. I have an idea, I'm going to come up with something to get the Charmed ones, what do you think?"

"I think that even Belthazor and Gidion were way more better villains than you."

"Bitch." Zankou left smirking to his cave. To 'plot' against the Charmed ones. After The O.C. of course. He just loves his Seth time.

To be continued...


	5. ChamaChamaChamaChameleon

A/N: Wow I'm updating! Like For Real! I just woke up this morning and wrote 3 chapters for this! one for "Charmed Together" and I finish "Skeletons..." chapter 6, though I'm not updating the last 2 yet, but soon, wait! anyways, I would like your reviews on these 3, cuase we find out who The Source is in one of them! So I better see some reviews!

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 5: Chama-Chama-Chama-Chama-Chameleon.

"I can't believe one of us is the Source."

"Why not, Phoebe? You were evil before after all."

"I know, but is not the same, Piper. I was only letting my feelings for Cole blind me."

"That's... So true. Phoebe are you ok?"

"Yes. Of course I am. Is there something wrong dearest Piper?"

"Um... you're talking weirdly..."

"In what manner do you wish me to speak?"

"YOU'RE NOT PHOEBE!" Piper lifted her hands and blew Phoebe up. Paige walked in and saw this.

"Piper! You killed Phoebe? Cool!"

"It wasn't Phoebe. It was a chameleon demon."

"Oh. Well, that sucks. How did you know she was a chameleon?"

"She was speaking in coherent sentences."

"Enough said. So, why was a chameleon pretending to be Phoebe?"

"Maybe the Underworld knows that one of us is The Source and they want to know which one."

"So we might have more chameleons in the house."

"Probably. It could be anyone." Prue walked in at this moment.

"Hey my younger siblings."

"She's being nice to us?" Paige wondered.

"Chameleon!" Piper blew Prue up. "That was easy. You would think they would at least try to act like us."

"They must think that looking is enough." Paige shrugged. "Well, I'm leaving. I gotta go to the beach and get a tan."

"Ok, have-Wait, what?"

"Yeah. I'm very pale. I need some color."

"YOU'RE NOT PAIGE!" Piper blew Paige up. "Is everybody a chameleon?" as in cue. Leo and Cole came in.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hey Piper."

"Hmm, the idiot call me sweetie and not Cole, and Cole is not hitting on me. I smell chameleon." Piper blew them up. "I rule!"

Suddenly another Piper walked in. "Who the Hell are you?" She said as she walked to her double.

"Oops." So the Piper turn back to a chameleon. What? Yes he was a chameleon all this time and he blew up all his friends. What? That doesn't make sense. Well, whatever. The real Piper blew him up.

"I'm so not cleaning this mess." She stated. Patty walked in.

"Why won't Prue let me leave? What are the odds of me being The Source?"

"Mom, quit whining. Prue is just obsess with you."

"Yeah, that is creepy."

"Very."

"So anyway, who do you think will turn out to be The Source?"

"I would say Cole is a safe bet." Cole entered at this moment.

"Excuse me!" He said outrage. "How many times do I have to comeback to prove to you guys I've change!"

Piper sighed. "I think is safe to say we're never going to trust a man who willingly wants to marry Phoebe." Patty nodded in agreement.

"Well... I..." Cole sat down sadly.

"I think is Prue." Patty said after a beat. "She is very avoid-y when I asked her about how she's alive again."

"Hmm, true..." Piper and Patty started to think. Leo walked in and took Cole to the living room... for some comfort. Piper watched them leave and turned to her mother. "Do you think my husband's gay?"

"Well, when I had sex with him in the 70ths he did shout a guy's name in bed..."

"YOU WHAT!"

"Um... I..." Thankfully for Patty, Paige walked in.

"Guess what!" Paige said as she walked to them.

"My mother's a ho." Piper gave Patty a scornful look.

"Besides that." Paige continued. "Tonight's the night!"

"Huh?" Patty gave Paige a very Phoebe look (lol, Phoebe look)

"You know, the time." The random lightning thing again.

"Well at least we'll finally know." Piper said as she slapped Patty and left the room.

To be continued...


	6. Time? Like Time, Time?

A/N: Ooooh who will it be? i think You'll all be pleased with my choice... oh God, you probably figured it out now... oh well, just read...

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 6: Time? Like Time, Time?

"My baby, does the hanky panky!"

"Chris, get away from me"

"I thought you liked me, Grams?"

"Like HELL I do!"

"You two zip it!" Piper demanded as she entered the attic. The whole family was already there. Who? Oh hell, ok. Piper, the best, Paige, the second best, Phoebe, the town whore, Prue, the dead whore, Patty, the biggest whore, Penny, the wicked bitch, Leo, the coward, Cole, the sexy, Chris, the whiner, the babies, the forgotten and... No, that's it. The whole gang.

"So how does this work?" Prue asked looking all sorts of nervous.

"Are you hiding something, Prue?" Cole asked, raising an eyebrow, sexily. Phoebe had an orgasm right there. But then again, what doesn't turn her on?

"EW! EW! EW! She's moaning and drooling!" Paige said as she backed away from her sister.

"Sorry, Cole makes me feel all kinds of tingly feelings." Phoebe said regaining her pose.

"Yeah he does..." Leo said dreamily.

"I can't believe I'm related to you freaks." Piper said as she walked to the Book Of Shadows. "According to the BOS-"

"The what?" Phoebe had her usual confuse face.

"BOS. Book. Of. Shadows."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Um... Yes, anyway. According to it, the time is tonight. We have to do a spell. Once the spell is cast we'll know which one of us is The Source."

"I still don't understand why one of us is The Source." Penny said somewhat annoyed with Chris, who wouldn't stop tugging at her sleeve. "Stop that you whining brat!"

"Sorry..." Chris ran to hug his mommy. Piper rolled her eyes.

"I have a confession to make!" Prue look slightly ashamed.

"We know you're behind this, Prue." Piper told her oldest sister as she absently hugged her future son.

"You do?"

"Well, it is kind of obvious." Paige added. "I mean, you're being all shifty about it."

"What did you do exactly?" Leo asked holding Cole's hand for comfort. Piper gave them a pissed off look. They let go.

"Well..." Prue started. "I was walking in Hell one day when I bump into this Seer-"

"Ooh was she sexy?" Phoebe asked, thinking in more pleasure. Paige tasted vomit.

"Um, well, anyway." Prue moved along. "She offered me a deal. I would come back from the death, with my body, powers, the works, but I would have to sacrifice a member of my family. So I said 'what the hell?'" All eyes fell on Prue, glaring at her with anger... and slightly turned on gazes from Cole and Phoebe, but that's just normal. "You're not mad right?" Prue asked as she hid behind a chair.

"Great." Piper ranted. "I don't know why I'm still hanging around you people. So that means that Prue's not the Source. But that still leaves us."

"Yeah, but which one?" Paige asked looking around.

"Let's do the spell and find out." Piper read the BOS. "Here these words, here my cries, Source that within us lies, awaken from where shadows dwell, reveal yourself as a Halliwell."

"Nice spell." Thanks Paige.

In a swirl oh black lights the Halliwell in question's eyes went black and The Source's black robe covered her body. Phoebe Halliwell turned out to The Source. "Cool!" She squealed in delight. Everyone backed away.

"Pheebs...?" Piper slowly tried to walk towards her sister.

In a deep voice: "Phoebe's not here no more." then back to squeaky. "Kidding! Woo! I'm evil again. Awesome!" she blew Cole a kiss. "I'll come back for you, babe. Muahahahahahahahahaha!" She flamed out.

"Oh my Piper." Leo said while hugging a sobbing Cole tightly.

"So it was Phoebe all along..." Paige said as she turned to Piper who had her head down. "Piper? What are we going to do?"

Piper lifted her head, looking decided. "There's only one thing we can do." Little dramatic pause. "We're going to have to kill Phoebe!"

Dum dum dum!

To be continued...


	7. Pink Is The New Black

A/N: Last one for now.. I'm also updating 2 chapters for "Charmed again" check them out! that means reviews!

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 7: Pink Is The New Black.

"I can't believe my plan didn't work, minion."

"Listen, I'm a miner, and my name's Hank, damn it. And your plan didn't work, because it was stupid! Chameleon demons suck!"

"Yes they do..."

"Ew! Did not need to hear that!"

"Hello, Zankou." Zankou turned around to see Phoebe, The Source Of all Evil.

"OHMYGAWD! You're The Source?" Zankou nearly passed out.

"That's right. And now that I'm back, things are going to change around here."

Hank rolled his eyes. "You two are the biggest threat to good? That's just sad."

"Hush you... big man you!" Phoebe said pouting.

"Oh I'm soooooooooo scared." Hank smirked.

"Who is this mean man?" Phoebe turned to Zankou, who was now weeping like a kid who was about to get beat up by a questionable-morals-and-VD-ridden bully, aka Phoebe.

"He's my only friend here:" Now that's just sad.

"Oh. Well ok then." Phoebe smiled and lifted her hands up. "Let's make this place mine again." In a swirl of pink bright lights, stuff started to fill the cave. Stuffed animals. Fluffy pink pillows. Wooly pink hats. Fluffy butt ugly pink boots. And lots of revealing tops. The whole cave was now repainted with sparkles and pink colors, unicorns and stars. It looked like something ate a bunch of Care Bears and puked them all over the room. It was perfect for Phoebe.

"Well this doesn't look haft bad." Zankou complimented.

"My eyes! MY EYES!" Hank screamed.

"There..." Phoebe sat in her big fluffy thrown. "Now, to destroy the CHARMED ones... Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Um... Can I help?" Zankou asked.

"Sure! But we have to have sex first."

"K." Zankou and Phoebe started getting it on. Hank put his hand on his mouth to prevent from screaming and/or vomiting.

"Oh right there... Oh Zankou..."

"Hmm... Women aren't haft as bad as I thought... Oh yes... oh yes..."

"I really should tried to escape before I'm scarred for life." Hank said as he looked around the hideous pink cave for an escape. The sounds still got to him.

"OH YES! OH GOD! COLE!"

"HMMMMMM! GOD YES!"

"I need to get out of here!" Hank yanked his ears off his head. The bleeding pain brought him comfort. The idiots finished their disgusting sex scene.

"That was good." Zankou said while he smoked a cigarette. "Was it good for you?"

"It was ok, I guess..." Phoebe trailed off.

"So what do we do now?"

"Have you ever done it with a Grimlock?"

"I meant about the CHARMED ones?"

"Oh..." Phoebe stood up. "I want them dead. Prue first."

"So what do we do?"

"Hmm... I'm not sure... I need a nap..." Phoebe walked to her bed and went right to sleep. Zankou walked over to Hank and healed his ears.

"What happen to your ears?"

"Forget it... can you just left me out? There's not enough money in the world to pay for the amount of therapy I'm going to need."

"No... As much as I like this sex with females-"

"Are you sure she's female?"

"Hmm... I'll double check later, anyway, I still want control of the Underworld for me, so I need to get rid of her..."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You'll see..."

Hank rolled his eyes. "You still don't have a plan, do you?"

"No... But it will come to me soon!"

To be continued...


	8. The Halliwell Line AKA Whore's R Us!

A/N: Wow it took a while but i wrote another... maybe I just don't know how to kill Phoebe, anyone have suggestions? let me know in your reviews! lol

Tittle: The Return Of The Source.

Chapter 8: The Halliwell Line AKA Whore's R Us!

"Why are you sad, Piper? Is it cause we have to kill Phoebe?"

"No. Why would I be sad about that?"

"Well, she's your sister and all..."

"She's your sister too!"

"But I only known her for like 4 years, you known her all her life."

"Hence the not caring about killing her."

"But you're still sad."

"Well, ever since Leo became human, I realized he might like guys."

"NOW you realized?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Didn't you find it weird how he and Cole always were out together?"

"I thought he just needed a man friend."

"Piper, would Cole hang around with someone like Leo if he wasn't getting it on with him?"

Prue walked in with a big book. Piper and Paige turned their attention to the book. "What is this?" Piper asked.

"It's a book I wrote." Prue said with a smile. "The Many Ways To Kill My Sisters. I knew it would come in handy one day."

Paige picked up the book. "Chapter one: Ways to kill with ropes." She flipped some pages. "Chapter two: When they sleep with your fiancée." Chapter three: Insanely pale chicks that replace you." Paige gave Piper a look. They both turned to Prue.

"What?" Prue asked as she sat down.

"You're a sick person, you know that?" Piper told her.

"Well, this sick person came up with 456 ways to kill Phoebe, so you should be thankful."

"This stuff isn't going to work you ass! She's the Source for Piper's sake!" Paige yelled dramatically for no reason.

"Why don't we use the Halliwell line spell, like with the others?" Piper offered.

"I was thinking about that but Grams, Mom and Prue are all here. And Prue's alive now, if wouldn't work."

"Isn't anyone glad I'm alive?"

Crickets chirped.

"I'm going to go cry in the bathroom while I puke." Prue stormed out.

"Drama queen..." Paige muttered.

"HEY!" Piper perked up. "Why don't we summon the other five witches of the spell!"

"You mean, Melinda, Astrid, Laura, Helena and Grace?"

"Yeah." Piper stood up. "Halliwell witches that stood besides us, move now from time and space, the great Piper now calls, Melinda, Astrid, Laura, Helena and Grace."

In a flow of white orb lights the five witches appeared in the living room.

"Not you again." Melinda scowled.

"And hi to you too Melinda." Piper greeted.

"Hi, I'm Paige we never met."

"And you are?" Melinda inquired.

"Piper's sister."

"I'm sorry." Melinda shook her head. "The rules clearly state that there can only be three."

"Yes, but then Prue died..." Piper started.

"Oh, she did..." Melinda looked shifty.

"Wait!" Prue yelled as she stormed in. "You saw it, didn't you? My death! And you didn't tell me."

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Melinda said obviously.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Guys!" Paige stepped in. "Where did the others go?" the witches looked around to find a lack of Laura, Helena, Astrid and Grace.

"Oh great crapping Prue!" Piper muttered.

"We'll have to find them. We need them to kill Phoebe." Paige said.

"We're killing your sister?" Melinda inquired again.

"Yep."

"Uh huh."

"Finally."

"Oh. Ok." Melinda said with a smile.

To be continued...


	9. Somthing hoish this way goes

Title: The Return The Source.

Chapter 9: Something ho-ish this way goes.

"The police identified the bodies as Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace. Authorities are still uncertain on what the cause of the explosion was, but one thing is for sure, Paris Hilton will be completely disfigured. In other news-"

"There's still something I don't get."

"What? Is it how were the police able to identified already dead witches? Or the fact that they died even though they were already dead?"

"No, I mean, yes that too, but I meant about why would they target Paris Hilton? Do they even know who she is?"

"Obviously, that's why they tried to kill her, Piper."

"Whatever. How are we doing with the whole vanquishing Phoebe thing?"

"Well, I orbed all over the place to find this." Paige showed Piper a small bottle. "It's a vanquishing potion for Phoebe. Who knew they existed? I'll mix it with the one we used on the source and Cole and 'poof', no more Phoebe."

"That sounds so nice." Prue said walking in the room. "Say it again, very slowly."

"Fuck off, bitch."

"You two get along or I'll blow your asses up." Pipers threatened. "Now where's Melinda?"

"Last time I saw her she was headed up the stairs with Cole, Leo and a leather-clad Darryl." Prue answered sexually frustrated like.

Then, Hank the miner flamed in. "Charmed ones."

"And you are?" Paige questioned.

"Hank. Hank the miner. Incorporated." Prue screamed and ran into the wall. Dumbass.

"What do you want from us?" Piper took the lead.

"I come in the name of Zankou. He wants to make a pack with you. He'll distract Phoebe so you can vanquish her sorry ass."

"Why should we trust-" Paige started, but-

"We'll do it."

"Piper! We can't trust the evil miner."

"He can trust me anytime." Prue said, seductively. Piper took her shoe off and threw it at her face. The heel hit her eye. "Ow. Pain hurts."

"I swear to Holly if you don't shut up I'll make sure you go back to the fiery pits of hell." Piper had her serious face on. She then turned to Paige. "I rather risk falling into a trap by lame Zankou than keep stalling the killing of the Phoebe."

"Fine. Whatever." Paige orbed to the attic to make the potion.

"Now, Hank is it?" Hank nodded. "Go tell your boss we'll go to the underworld in a few." Hank flamed out. "Odd. If he's only a miner why can he flame?"

"Magic?" Piper kicked Prue and walked out.

Later…

The whole gang was gathered at the living room. You know who. Fine, if I must. Piper "God" Halliwell, Paige "Need of a tan" Mathews, Prue "Still not getting any" Halliwell, Leo "I like boys" Wyatt, Cole "Psycho stalker" Turner, Melinda "Back from the dead" Warren, Patty "8 times pregnant" Halliwell, Penny "Always a nag" Halliwell and Chris "Plot hole future guy" Perry. There.

"So let's go to the underworld already." Paige hurried.

"Ok, but how?" Piper inquired.

"Let's just all hold on and see what happens." Prue suggested. They did and orbed/shimmered/flamed out. Don't ask about the flaming.

At the underworld…

Zankou and Phoebe were having another round. "I'm not sure this is a good idea." Phoebe worried.

"Come on, you know you like it."

"I know, but my mouth it's starting to hurt."

"One more time." Zankou pleaded.

"Ok, ok. " They did another shot of vodka (What the hell did you thing they were doing! Sicko!). "Jeez, if I didn't know any better I think you were trying to get me drunk so I could be distracted in case my sisters came in to vanquish me." Just then, the family orbed/shimmered/flamed in.

"Wait!" Zankou halted. "Who flamed?"

"Don't ask." Piper ordered. Zankou whimpered. "Phoebe we're here to destroy you."

"Well hello sisters, or is it cousins now?"

"What?" Paige shook her head. "How the fuck are we cousins?"

"Well, I just thought since I'm evil again…"

"Oh god you're stupid!" Prue said jumping on Phoebe stabbing her with an atheme. Phoebe TK'ed her away.

"I'm the source, doofus!"

"That was actually kind of funny." Paige smirked.

"I love what you done with the place, Phoebe." Leo commented.

"You are so not my father." Chris shook his head.

"Who told you?" Now all eyes were on Piper. "What? Cole is Chris's real father. There, I said it."

"Then why is he haft whitelighter?" Patty questioned, hiding her new pregnant belly strategically behind a very well placed ugly pink chair.

"Oh there's a perfectly logical explanation for that. You see-"

"Hello!" Phoebe interrupted Piper. "Source of all pink evil standing right here."

"God, I raised these girls so wrong." Grams lamented. "Well, what can you expect from a crazy hippy witch?" She shrugged and flamed out. Told you not to ask. Patty faded out too.

Cole, who was humping Phoebe's stuffed bear, since it had been a whole 30 minutes since he had sex, decided to intervene. "Phoebe, I just want to say before you die a fairly horrible death, that even though you brought so much pain into my life, both physical and metal, and you were also the cause of my turning good, then evil, then good, then evil, then stalker, I still love you."

"And the dumbass award goes too…" Piper muttered.

"Me?" Prue didn't get the joke.

"Fuck this." Paige threw the potion at Phoebe.

Phoebe screamed in pain as the flames started to burn her flesh. Simultaneously she drowned as her lungs were filled with water. It was very disturbing. Her hair was also being pulled. By Prue. Sadly for the eldest sister, she got caught in the fire and got vanquish too. All that was left were 3 breast implants and a stash of pot that Paige quickly TK-orbed to her purse. No one noticed. Piper stepped in the mess.

"Unbelievable."

"What Piper?" Paige asked.

"Melinda didn't get to say anything this whole chapter."

"I didn't?"

"Nope. And too bad. Cause it's the end."

"Fuck."

End.

A/N:I'm backed up so one story had to go, so I'm dropping this one ok. sorry if Phoebe's death wasn't more graphic and/or painful.


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